sometimes i do not want to write anymore because i am afraid of going back to who i have been. i like changing. at the same time, i wonder if my lack of writing is actually allowing me to freeze, to avoid moving on with so many things in my life.

kelly and i talked about lies and how everyone lies, just in different ways. we agreed lying to other people is just impossible, but lying to ourselves is not so inconceivable. i hate to think i am anything other than honest, yet i know i veil my eyes from time to time. i do not look so hard at certain parts of me, aspects of my life-- my history, my future-- and i think i need to.

i need to write again.